Subject: How to come home late

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one
turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else
to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I
turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off
the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before
I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the
bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my
leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife
STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the
wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the
steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the ass
and shout, "WHO'S HORNY"? .... and she acts like she's asleep everytime."